Comments on: How do you be happy about your own pregnancy when someone near jus lost theirs?

By: Indigo

Indigo — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 21:21:51 +0000

You shouldn’t hide your happiness about your pregnancy and you shouldn’t go out of your way for your co-worker. It is sad that she miscarried but you also had miscarried twice, it is your turn to be a happy mom-to-be.
Don’t feel obligated or guilty that you have to hide your pregnancy news because of your co-worker. It is your choice who you want to tell.
I think you shouldn’t turn off your screen saver off and not be bullied by your co-worker or any one else in the office, they can’t make you do something that you don’t want to do.
Right now, your co-worker is angry, bitter, and even jealous of you and your pregnancy and will used her misfortune to give you a guilt trip for your happiness.
I say have a heart to heart talk with her and if you want you can tell her of your miscarriages too, that way you won’t seem inconsiderate in her eyes.
And make it clear to her that you understand what she is going through but you won’t apologize for your pregnancy and your happiness and that you won’t go out of your way to hide it. Stand up for yourself.
If problems arise you can talk to your supper and explain what’s going on and he or she can talk to your co-worker to back off. You go to your work to do your job not play games.

By: marina

marina — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 19:07:36 +0000

Just tell her your sorry for her loss and tell her you understand as you have been though it before and the You can sympathies with her, tell her you can talk to her about it if it will help her but She shouldn’t blame you for how she feels even if you are a constant reminder of the baby she will never have. as you have had to go through it there is light at the end of the tunnel, and she will go on to have a baby one day just like you have, tell her you will not change your screensaver because its your computer and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad for her loss, i wouldn’t change the screensaver if it was me, it’s your computer and it’s not there because your proud and happy you are having a baby and why shouldn’t you. your not doing it to hurt anyone else.
stay proud and happy, you deserve it this is your time for a baby hers time will come its just not now, and that’s not your fault.

By: jewleit

jewleit — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 13:53:42 +0000

Be patient. And let her know you have been through it. But also dont let it bring you down. BE over joyed with your little bundle of love. And dont let her rule you. Unless company policey says you cant have that screen saver keep it.

By: mouse

mouse — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:25:39 +0000

It is a difficult thing, when I was pregnant, a girl who was about 3 months behind me miscarried. I felt very comfortable around her. I did not work with her a lot of the time, but with her boyfriend who had been so excited to become a dad. I don’t think she is trying to be mean or anything. I guess she just needs some time, to deal with things. I know it is hard, but try to keep your pregnancy happiness at a minimal while at work.
and hopefully she will come to be at peace with it.

By: sizesmith

sizesmith — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:36:54 +0000

Perhaps a card explaining that you understand her loss, as you’ve been through it, and tell her that you’ll say a prayer that when the times comes she’ll be fine with another pregnancy, like yours is fine after 2 miscarriages. Also, I agree that for the time being, the pregnancy screensaver should probably be removed. She’ll come to terms with it in a while, and meanwhile, enjoy your pregnancy, and remember what she is going through and how you dealt with people in the same situation. Enjoy your pregnancy, and share your news with friends at work. Sometimes the entire crowd doesn’t want to hear things.
When you find out the sex of the baby on ultrasound, and if you have a picture printed, display it in a discreet way, where it is pointed in a direction that she shouldn’t be able to see it. If she comes to you with questions about what you went through, be honest, with your fears and everything, and then share your joy, and hopefully, when she’s ready, she’ll have the same joy also. Good luck

By: id2ga

id2ga — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 09:49:52 +0000

You should still be able to enjoy your pregnancy and yet be sympathetic. I don’t know if I would consider removing my screensaver for her–that would depend on how close you are or how well you know her. People have to deal with their loss in their own way. removing it for awhile might be the sensitive thing to do, but if it really bothers her, she shouldn’t look at it.

Enjoy your pregnancy! If you have a chance to talk to her, that might help. Does she know you’ve also gone through miscarriages? She may just be angry and you might just have to enjoy yourself anyway.

By: Angi XD

Angi XD — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 11:30:39 +0000

First of all, you need to accept that you can’t please everybody. This may be hard on her- but it’s not your fault. You SHOULD be happy you’re finally at this stage of having a child. You should send her flowers and act real nice to her, but thats about all you can do. It’s going to affect her, yes, because your having a child and shes not, it’s probably taking a toll on her, and making her a little jealous of you. Do not wave this pregnancy around extensively. Soon, later she’ll understand. Try to lay off of her for awhile, and then talk to her about it and relate to her.

By: fromthecabbagepatch

fromthecabbagepatch — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 22:00:20 +0000

Both my sister-in-laws miscarried while I was pregnant. It was very sad. But I just kept thanking God that my little one was okay. It’s almost like a miracle that she survived when everyone else I knew had lost thier babies. And that’s how you have to think of it: A Miracle. And after loosing two yourself you know how precious this one is.

Don’t flaunt the pregnancy infront of your co-worker. Don’t talk about the baby infront of her if it upsets her. It took some while before my sister-in-laws wanted to be around me and my bulging belly after they had lost theirs.

Note: Both my sister-in-laws within a matter of weeks of loosing their babies were pregnant again.

Now we have 3 new babies in the family

My daughter 9 months and she has two cousins 4 & 3 months old.

By: afton - expecting #1 :)

afton - expecting #1 :) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 06:34:55 +0000

well that is a tough one, and i have been in her shoes and right now i am in your shoes also.
just talk to her and tell her your sorry about her loss but at the same time it’s not your fault and she shouldn’t treat you any different, because you have done nothing wrong and as for the screensave i would say take it off for about a week and let her cool down, and then put it up.
its not rubbing it in her face, you have something very wonderul happening to you and she should be happy for you.
but its gonna be a little hard so just give her about a week or maybe two to calm down a little bit.

good luck
CONGRATULATIONS!

By: XOXoMoXOX

XOXoMoXOX — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:06:25 +0000

I don’t know…. thats tough. I honestly understand the grieving process, but I think it would be selfish of the co-worker to ask you to sacrifice your happiness just because she is going thru a loss. Be sensitive to her needs, but if she can’t eventually learn to live with it you’re going to need to move on without her. Good luck! Be happy and grateful, you’re finally having a baby!